At the Sneeze Sitters Inc Annual Convention 2017


Chairman: “Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 2017 Annual Sneeze Sitters Convention. I’m Bern Droplets, president of this wonderful company. In 1976 Joseph A. Gesundheit had a vision, or rather, a sneezing fit, in which he sneezed over seventy-six times in his own home without anybody around. According to his memoirs, titled “76 Sneezes”, after recovering for more than an hour, Gesundheit remarked, I wish someone would have said, “Bless you.” with a loving, caring voice. So, he started “Sneeze Sitters” because he understood a revolutionary belief that everyone who sneezes deserves a person to say to them, “Bless you!” This is how he set up the company- with people who can say, “Bless you!” to those who have sick relatives but must work to pay the bills.”

“Gesundheit remembered history. Many centuries ago people believed that sneezing forced the soul to leave the body. Saying, “God bless you.” chased evil spirits away. Even during a plague that occurred around 590 A.D.,the Pope blessed those who sneezed.”

Mr. Droplets continued: “Let’s look at how well the business has done well since its beginning. It’s very simple. Revenues have increased. It’s easy to understand why – people are getting sicker every year, so we employ more sitters. Of course, our company doesn’t want anyone to get sick, but we do make a profit. I uphold the fact that we don’t take measures to make people sneeze, such as using feathers to tickle noses, or blowing pepper at our clients’ faces.”

(Everyone in the audience laughed.)

“We’re not in the business of getting rid of illness, but we sure can “soften the blow.” Next year, we will start calling our “Sneeze Sitters” the “Achoo Sitters.” A big “Achoo!” should be met with a hardy “Bless you!”

“Now, we come to last year’s “Sneeze Award.” Each year, this is given to our most dedicated Sneeze Sitter. This year’s award goes to Nurse Mary Jones from Chicago, Illinois. Her “sneeze” patient, Mr. John Allen Snot sneezed more than 2,031 times in three hours while Mary sat by his side, holding his hand. She called 911. An ambulance came in time, just as he was finishing his last sneeze. The good news is that not only did he survive, he asked Mary to marry him a few months ago. “So, Mr. and Mrs. Snot, could you stand up and come to the microphone.”

(Everyone applauded as Mr. Snot and Mrs. Snot walked to the microphone where they accepted a trophy in the shape of a nose. Without giving a speech, they walked back to their seat.)

“Folks, what do we say to them?”

(Everyone) “Bless you!”

Mr. Droplets concluded the meeting: “Everyone! Thank you for attending our meeting this year! There is food and drinks at the back table and if you want copies of “76 Sneezes”, “Hold that Sneeze!” “Please Use a Tissue”, “Ten Steps to Less Snot”.

After everyone is dismissed, someone in the audience sneezed. Of course, everyone in the room said, “Bless you!”


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