Anger Is a Sign of Helplessness and Desire to Control Others


I had one time heard a story about a manager who was always getting angry. No matter what his subordinates were doing just to please him or what, they could not get it right. It is as if it was hard to exist in the office sans experiencing verbal explosions of unpleasant energies with the verbally abusive manager on a daily basis.

Yes, when you were part of this scenario, you would feel as if the person who is always angry has a problem with helplessness and tend to control people through it. According to Broderick Burns in his article Anger Can be Addictive… “Most people will do anything to avoid the feeling of helplessness, even though we are no longer helpless over ourselves. Yet until we accept our helplessness over others, we will try to control them, and anger is a major way many people have learned to attempt to control.”

The feeling of being alone, nobody cares attitude and the like–are common causes of feeling angry. Say, a husband feeling isolated whenever his wife and children are always against his decisions, thus, the feeling of being alone, powerless or what he wallows in. Bad comes to worse when he attempts to control them through anger. Yes, forcing his wife and children become his allies in whatever decision he makes, even if it is against their will or more enlightened stance, would end up more negative effects to the family’s sanity. Then, atmosphere of fear and control sets in.

When one wanted to control others he would let his angry feelings inflict harm or hurt to others. Worse, when he feels delighted to doing it habitually; there is something wrong up there. This is a sign of being weak to controlling his own feeling; also a sign of immaturity. If you want something done or what, you need to set the right environment and one thing is ensuring positive atmosphere sans resorting to getting angry. Yes, just to compel others to do things your way is the weakest form of leadership. In fact, it is not leadership at all. It is slavery.

However anger can be a positive energy when people does not get it right. Misunderstood anger is bad, especially when you are a good leader with good intention. Showing anger can escalate to more guilt, shame or what after the spree, especially when you are always venting anger to almost all people around you. Maybe you have a deep seated issue within yourself and you are just covering it up. When you try to avoid your inner issues by venting anger to just anyone towards controlling them, you are just adding insult to injury. Yes, your own injury. Aside from hurting people through your verbal abuses, it can backfire to you as a sign of immaturity, incompetence and the like. Yes, it is good to show that we are angry over an issue or what, but going beyond the limit of decency, professionalism, etc. others would get an impression that there is something wrong with our own self-control. Yes, chances are great that people around an angry person would think that the problem lies more on the one who is mad than the one victim of his verbal abuses that very moment.

Controlling people through anger is nothing but the way of lesser mind. People with good education know how to manage their anger sans hurting or harming people around. Yes, anger is an energy. It can be used as a positive one or not, depending on the intellectual maturity of the person.

You can handle this anger issue through the following:

Anger Avoidance

Tell yourself that you should not let your anger affects other people. They should not know that you are poor in anger management, then how can you be an effective leader? Yes, sans managing yourself it would be difficult to manage people. Resolve first your personal issues to avoid getting angry at every people you see “with your blind fury” for it is not them… it is you. You become your own problem. Fix yourself first.

Helplessness Acceptance

When you accept this it would be easy to deal with your anger. Nobody is a slave in the 21st century, you know. If someone made you a wrong… it does not mean you have the right to get mad. It is your chance to observe your power to overpower your anger. It is also a chance to deal with yourself better than merely venting anger on people whom you think deserves one. Nobody deserves your garbage. Dispose it properly by observing your self-control, decency and the like. Or, you will face the consequences of your anger–spree.

I agree to Joshua Freedman when he says in his article EQ Leadership Vital Sign The Power of Anger that anger has a bad reputation. It should be redirected to more positive endeavor as a sign of intellectual maturity which is an expected thing to observe by an educated person. More so, if you are a leader. You cannot control people through your anger; you will only get more of it.

Power to change is overcoming self inadequacy when it comes to leading people. When anger becomes habitual, better see a psychiatrist. It is good for your mental health and the social environment as well.


Source by Larry Icabandi Nabiong

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